


Drowning Sorrows

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Friendship, Gen, Hawke Left in the Fade (Dragon Age), Male-Female Friendship, Presumed Dead, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the Battle of Adamant, Evelyn tries to cope with the fact that she left Hawke in the Fade.
Relationships: Iron Bull & Female Trevelyan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Drowning Sorrows

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from dear elveny <3 18. “You’re so drunk right now.” “No, I’m not. You’re just blurry.” from [ this list](https://elveny.tumblr.com/post/180069316090/dialogue-prompts-21).

The trip back from Adamant is long. Thoughts of what happened circle around in Evelyn's head, as well as the memories of her first escape out of the Fade. She needs a break, needs to forget, just for a little while. Every time she closes her eyes, she can see Hawke's determined expression just before she turns and runs to face the Nightmare demon. She remembers her panic as she ran towards the rift. She remembers her relief when the rift finally closed, leaving the Nightmare demon in the Fade. 

She had known Hawke for only a little time, but she had been something else. Witty, charming, but also very direct, taking no bullshit from anyone. She would have been a good leader for the inquisition. Certainly, a better leader than her, a twenty-something nobody, who had lived most of her life in seclusion. A better person than she had died and she had allowed it to happen.

Objectively she knows she had to come out of the Fade unharmed, she had the mark. The only way closing rifts that they knew of. But the only thing she can think of is Hawke's smile as she plays Wicked Grace with Varric, her laugh at his stories, the way she looked at the red ribbon on her arm. 

She needs to forget, forget Hawke's smile, forget about Varric's face when he heard Hawke was not coming back. But it was too dangerous to get drunk on the road, so she had to wait and swallow her anxiety.

When they get to Skyhold she goes straight to Herald's Rest and drinks. Drinks straight from the bottle, as fast as she can, partly because of the taste, mostly with the hope that the alcohol will drown her feelings faster.

She's dressed like a commoner, with a hood over her head, to hide her identity. The inquisitor can't be seen drowning her sorrows. She has to be a symbol, an idea, beyond reproach in the eyes of her followers. If they saw that she was just like everybody else, would they still follow her?

He recognizes the Iron Bull's footsteps coming closer. She doesn't stop drinking, even though she can't get up on her own. She had tried, but her feet were too wobbly from the exhaustion of the trip and the alcohol.

"You're so drunk right now." Evelyn looks up at the voice talking to her, sees her friend has finally reached the shadowy corner she was in. 

"No, I'm not. You're just blurry," she grumbles, her words slurred. She frowns, when did her tongue get so heavy?

Bull raises a brow at her and Evelyn sighs. "I may be drunk, but I'm nowhere drunk enough," she says or tries to, most of it being mumbled against the table, with long pauses between words. 

"Hey," Bull says, turning her head gently towards himself. "Let's get you upstairs to lie down. Drink some water. We don't want you to have a horrible hangover tomorrow." 

Evelyn's gaze unfocuses and she leans her head against Bull's hand. "I killed her, Bull," Evelyn whispers. "I killed Varric's best friend." A single tear escapes down her cheek. Bull gently wipes it away with his thumb. 

"Hey, you did what you had to." Bull whispers, just as low. "Let's honor her sacrifice by making Corypheus and his lackeys pay." 

Evelyn looks at him with as much determination as her drunk mind can muster. "Yeah!" she says, her voice still cracking on the word. "We'll show Corry… We'll show him, Bull."

Bull smiles. "That's more like it, boss!" He helps Evelyn up. "But first you need water and sleep. Let's get you upstairs."

They go upstairs to Bull's room. Bull makes her drink plenty of water before tucking her in. 

"Who even knows with this Fade crap. Maybe she'll turn up." Bull says, smiling. Evelyn blinks at him sleepily. "Sleep well, boss," he says, before leaving the room. Evelyn wonders where he is going to sleep with her hogging his bed, feeling slightly guilty, but too sleepy to do anything about it. She falls asleep hoping her friend will find a good company for the night.


End file.
